this the rawest shit i ever seen in my life
Fire burn, and caldron bubble.
Losing friends to people you helped them meet
a very intimidating middle class family is staring me down in panera bread because i put mac and cheese on my baguette
update: i told them that staring is rude and that i would eat anything on this baguette including their small child
you are everything i aspire to be
the problem with reading a good book is that you want to finish the book but you don’t want to finish the book
ma’am im sorry but that baby was due today, i don’t care if its not done just turn in what you have
In France, they say “mdr” instead of “lol” and that roughly translates to “death by laughter” so basically instead of laughing really loudly like we do, the French laugh so hard that they die.
French slang is freaking metal.
DEATH BY OHONHONHON
IT JUST WANTS TO WEAR THE HAT
“NO SON OF MINE IS GONNA WEAR PEOPLE HATS”
cant stop laughing
Poor lil kitty
this is what happened when tumblr got tumblr pro
When friends won’t believe they’re cute and perfect
when friends insist that you’re cute and perfect
shhhhhhhh you’re cute and perfect deal with it
So a while back i was at this party and i was the first girl to arrive and there were like 20 guys already there, we were all siting around, having a beer and whatnot when the dj arrived. So all the guys went out the front of the house to help set up the dj gear and it was just me sitting there alone in the backyard for like 5 minuets. I stood up to go follow them bc i was getting really bored when i realized something, my period had gone through my white pants and stained the while chair, i was humiliated, i had no idea what to do, i could hear the guys were coming back and i had to do something quick, time was running out. So i grabbed the chair, ran like 10 meters and threw it over the fence into the neighboring yard, i quickly walked back and tied my jacket around my waist. The guys soon returned and didn’t suspect a thing, i am amazing.
mom: hey *dad’s name* oh whoops i mean *brother’s name* oh no *sister’s name* i mean *name of the family goldfish* ah shoot i meant *your name* can you get down here really quick i need something
my dad has literally called me by his own name.
my mother has called me our cats name who has been dead for five years
I AM ALLOWED TO COMPLAIN
I AM ALLOWED TO CRY OVER SIMPLE THINGS
I AM FULLY AWARE THAT OTHER PEOPLE HAVE PROBLEMS TOO AND THEY ARE PROBABLY WORSE OFF THAN I AM
DO NOT REMIND ME OF THAT WHEN I AM UPSET
MY FEELINGS ARE VALID
I AM ALLOWED TO COMPLAIN
WHAT IS SIMPLE TO YOU COULD BE STRESSFUL TO ME
STOP TELLING ME TO THINK ABOUT PEOPLE THAT HAVE IT WORSE
STOP STOP STOP
If corals get stressed they die, so if I was coral I would be dead
what do coral even get stressed about
guys, i work at an aquarium and my coworkers and i have literally laughed at this for three days straight. everytime we pass each other we whisper “current events” and crack up. our customers think we are nuts.